OMFG!!!

EFX2 is back up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm moving back there immediately!!!!!

OMFG!!

Aint it the truth...

To add into all of my feel bad-edness I ran across this. What has happened to our once beautiful and sexy Jenna? One of the originals (she and Janine Lindemulder) that taught me all about how awesome it is to have my hands in my pants. Not to mention...so many girls, when they found out I had her movies, wanted to watch her movies with me. And those let to jsut great evenings and late nights.

And now she's pregnant with former boyfriend and former UFC Champ (now chump) Tito Ortiz. Is the world about to spin of its axis or what?

At the bottom...

Rarely do I get depressed.

Sure I get down about things or angry that I could've done something better or someone else could've done something better but rarely if ever am I depressed. Until now. I've been working at this job for 5 years now. Some call me the golden boy but I've never had anything other than positive things said about what I do and how I accomplish my job. Well, the latest annual review came around and it seems that my new boss doesn't seem to thinks so. As a matter of fact on the 1 to 5 scale (how my company does it, 5 being the highest and normally comes with a percentage pay raise and a 1 tells you to go pack up your desk) I received a 3. Mind you, I've met with my boss many times over the last year and she's had nothing but positive things to say about my job/work ethic and no criticisms. I've also in the 5 years of working here never received anything other than a 5 and have gotten bonuses or promotions every year.

Now its not just about the money but also the recognition of doing a great job. Not doing a good one. I pride myself on giving 110% of effort to whatever task I attempt. If I can't, then I normally don't attempt the task or at the very least ask for help. Yes it’s a character flaw but I'd rather do it right than half assed. There are a number of issues that came up during the year, not the least of which where I was told to NOT do my job because of some political behind the scenes work going on and no one wanted feathers ruffled so I was to stop what I was doing. I made it perfectly clear that I was hired to do a job so what do I do in the interim and was told to wait until the "kinks got worked out". I have no problem with that but don’t think I should be penalized for it.

Throw on that I've recently come into contact with a ton of old friends who are of the same age and their kids are either leaving for college or about to graduate high school at least. They're now getting ready to move into their "second life" after kids. I'm in my mid 30s, still don't have any, and kids aren't in the foreseeable future. I'm not where I want to be in my marriage, my life or anything else for that matter. Yeah today there's no hands in the pants for Splinter and sexy photos. Just wondering how hard it is to fashion a noose from an electrical chord (just kidding).

Its been way too long....

Yes, I haven't been in here in quite some time.

And in here not only means the blog but this side of my mind. I had the shocking reality that just thinking about something wasn't enough so in order to accomplish said thought would require me getting off my ass. So since I can't multi-task very well (except in the sack but life ain't the sack...unless I was a man-whore but then how would I get clients, how would I explain that to the spouse, what would that business model look like.....geez, I digress!!) I figured I focus on the thing that was most important to me and yes I know its totally "Shallow Hal" of me but that's getting back to my 6 pack build.

I so know that there's more to life than being physically fit but that's where everything starts for me. Not to mention that if I feel happy about the way I look or think I look good then everything else is better (for me anyway). So, in classic Splinter fashion most of the rest of my life is suffering while I get 2 to 3 workouts a day in the gym, running, biking and swimming. Throw in that I had to revamp what I ate and I'm gassed most of the time from killer workouts and now I pretty much just sleep, eat and workout.

It was also a function of getting so tired of people and life in general and the I'm a grown up conclusion that there are so many things I can't change that I figured since I'm the one thing I CAN change is me I should get to workin'. So the change is noticeable (at least that's what I'm told) but I'm still not happy. Am I ever really? After some "Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy" introspection I realized that I am rarely if ever happy. It really sucks being a perfectionist! I can think of a million ways I could've done something better, cheaper, faster.

Oh yeah, and then there's all this other stuff worth mentioning:

1) an old friend of mine ran across some new pictures of me on a social web site and started flirting with me online and saying that she and her husband are swingers and would I come and play the next time I'm on town.......and then she sent pictures of the two of them. Ever notice that the people who are swingers are never the people who should be swingers? What the hell is up with that. If an attractive couple made the offer I'd consider but why is that never the case?

2) my two ex best friends (the guy and I quite hanging out because all he wanted to do was drink and the girl and I quit hanging out because she couldn't take it that everyone thought we were sleeping together) who had nothing positive to say about one another and never hung out together......started to. Then dated, then got married and I just found out are pregnant. All in the span of about 6 months. What the hell? Has the world gone crazy?

3) I have a number of friends that I was close to but we've drifted apart for a host of reasons. But...when they need help or something who's the first person they call? That's right, little 'ole me. I feel like Lucy in the Peanuts cartoon with the "Doctor is in" stand. Where are they when I'm bummed out and need a friend? And I can't say now because I know that helping is the right thing to do and its what I would want someone to do for me. Just ain't nobody doing it!

I have no idea if this post even makes sense. I now there's more but the caffeine is wearing off and I'm losing focus!!

Yes I do love the adult film stars and am a huge fan of stacked heels but today this is my moment of zen......

goddamnit do I want to be in that tub!!

Are we really that different?

I was struck today about the differences between men and women. No, not the nughty parts idiota but how we approach things/think differently. Case in point. I was filling up at the local gas station and pulled up behind a stunning woman. When I say stunning I mean she took my breath away!

Without the stacked sandals she was 5' 10" or 5'11", with them she was over 6 feet. Stacked black strappy sandals, tight short blue denim skirt and the cutest little summer shirt top with a ribbon below the bust line beggin to be pulled. Blonde hair, beautiful green eyes and a great tan. Oh yeah, that 5"10"? 4 feet of it was long sexy legs. Throw in that she was probaly in her early forties and it took all I could do to not mount her when she bent over in her car to grab her purse. Yes, I did say mount her. And that's what got me thinking. Do any women think like that? When you bend over into your car or in general and you're in front of a cute guy do you want him to come up from behind and mount you?

No I'm not talking about a loving hug, I mean a good nails-on-the-back, skin-tearing, animal noises, ripped clothing, animalistic anonymnous shagging? No shagging is still too nice. I mean a good fucking? That kind that when you're done you're flat out exhausted and then walk away. The kind that you look back on when sitting around friends having a drink and you say "there was this one time"? Are guys or more specifically am I the only one that thinks like that?

Yeah, I bust my ass in the gym/running/riding because it makes me feel good and its good for me but the man reason is so if that situation does ever arise the hottie has something nice to look at while she's making animal noises! Women have to think that way too don't they? Do any of them? I mean at the risk of sounding like an idiot, isn't she dressed like that in order for guys to look at and want and other women to look at and want to be? It was warm out but I don't live in south Florida for Christ's sake. I'm not saying that she wants to get mauled by the likes of me but she ain't going to church either

I would like nothing more than for once in my life a hot girl walk by and look at me that way or tell me she thinks I'm sexy. Really, am I the only one? Come on, men never complain about sexual harassment and if they do its only because its from another dude. To be honest right now, I'd appreciate the attention.

Torn about whether or not to put my hands in my pants.

What the hell?

What can of world do we live in when I man can't use a Visa gift card to purchase a membership to an adult site? I got so excited to join Stunners.com after Slayer sent me that delicious Tiffany Brookes photo! Now what the hell am I supposed to do with this damned gift card thing?

My hands were so ready for my pants too!


At least I found this while I was looking around for ANY site that would take the gift card. She's just delicious.

You guys do realize that my blog runs on porn? Without the figurative and literal creative juices flowing created by great porn, there's no Splinter.